Everyone Sits on Santa Rule

Yesterday the girls and I drove around southwestern Ontario in the most treacherous weather for multiple holiday gatherings. We're pooped today. There's even more snow today, so it would seem that we are to be gratefully stuck at home. That's just fine with us because there is a ton of baking and cleaning and making to do. Am I always saying that? Probably. But it's true.

Oh, but first, I have FUNNY stories to tell. Well, they're funny to us. Where should I start? Oh, I know.

Our first stop was a very Baptist Chinese lunch with the in-laws. Keep in mind that the father of my children was sleeping (rightly so as he had worked all night, but never-the-less, he was absent), and this was HIS family gathering. Ten of us showed up due to weather and previous commitments like sleeping and such, and there was enough Chinese food to feed a small army. I've never seen that much Chinese food. Just saying. I encouraged the girls to eat as much as possible since the next stop's buffet would literally be untouchable.

As we sat to scarf down a plate of chicken balls, J's uncle bellowed out, "NOW I know who you look like! (pointing at me) You look EXACTLY like Monica!" The room went quiet as everyone tried to think who Monica was. I don't know J's family at all, and he was looking at me as if I knew who Monica was, so I thought long and hard about the Monicas I knew. This was serious and deserved a very serious answer. These Baptists are not jokers. After the longest pause, I blurted out desperately, "From Friends???" It wasn't pretty, folks. First off, the only thing Monica Geller and I have in common is dark brown hair. Without missing a beat, Uncle Ed disgustingly shook his head. I think he may have sneered when he hissed, "No." I also think El may have choked on a mouthful of chicken fried rice. Even I wanted to fall on the floor laughing. The next ten minutes were spent describing Baptist Monica to no avail. It was useless. No one knew who she was. Needless to say, El called me Monica for the rest of the day, and I kept explaining to the family at the next dinner that they might recognize me from NBC's hit show Friends. I played Monica Geller. We got a lot of quizzical looks. My family is used to this. They think I'm off my rocker anyway.

Next party: This story begins with me pouring myself a nice big cup of hot coffee. I like my coffee with a little cream and a tiny bit of sugar. As I stirred my coffee, El ran up to me breathlessly (this is unusual because this kid NEVER runs!), and still panting, she spits out, "Don't drink it!". I smiled at a second cousin who was also pouring herself a cup of sugar and cream with a little bit of coffee, and together we scoffed at this silliness. I patted El on the back and reassured her that the little black bits in the sugar were simply coffee grinds and would hurt us none. It was simply adding a little flavor. El looked confused and walked back defeated to the table where we were sitting. I quickly forgot about this and chatted up some more family before returning to the table.

As soon as I sat down, El and my gazelle-cousin inquired a little too curiously whether I had drank any of my coffee yet. I noted that I hadn't. My coffee was still too hot to drink. That's when they let the cat out of the bag. Apparently they had spent the last fifteen minutes watching in awe while a ten-year old stood beside the sugar bowl twirling and licking his finger, and when he wasn't getting enough sugar off his finger, he began to eat it with the spoon. We nicknamed that kid "Sugarfinger" for the rest of the evening, and it was no surprise when Sugarfinger began to bounce off the walls. It was entertaining. As for that cup of coffee, I rinsed out my cup and poured myself another with just cream. The second cousin with the cup full of coffee-flavoured sugar and cream was simply amazed that I finished the first cup so fast. I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth - she seemed to be enjoying her cup way too much.

I've not laughed that much since last weekend and our Sequence tournament. I wouldn't give up my family for anything.

Poor J, he misses ALL the fun! I also got teased for wearing mustard tights with my homemade skirt. Whatevs. They all wish they were as 'coo' as me. Holla!

Happy Sunday!



OzB said...

Monica, or whoever you are, YOU are hilarious!!

Loved he stories :-)

Hall in the Kitchen said...

So funny! You should write comedy girl!

Anonymous said...

Hey I remember where I saw those musard tights before...... James Caan and Will Ferrell wear them in the movie ELF! Check it out!

Katherine said...

Oh my god - I want to go to parties with you! The second party's food was untouchable, huh? Sugarfinger! snort!

Montreal Mama said...

I think now when I picture you as I read your blog, I'll think of Monica, lol.... She's cute though, it's all good ;)

Sounds like good times with the family.

Mmmmm chinese food....